i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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