even my farts smell like vagina
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
