dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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