Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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