Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
