i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
