sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
