You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
