I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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