I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
