Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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