i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
