I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
