She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
