STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
