we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
