how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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