roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
