i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
