I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
