There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
