I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
