sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
