Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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