What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
