3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
