OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
