yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
