I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
