When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
