absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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