Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my phone needs a breathalizer
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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