I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
