I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
