I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
