Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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