On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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