I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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