Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
