Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
