Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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