I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
