She is in my trunk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
