oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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