Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
