btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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