apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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