So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
