He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
