i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
