Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Help. Why am I so naked?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
